What's on my mind 4

Today is a cloudy day, however I like today since summer is really really hot in here, it's always good to have a cool day during those hot waves.

Do you guys enjoy cloudy days? Feel free to respond when you come here and read this article :)

There is a stray dog abandoned by his/her owner, a coworker take care of him/her when she is working here. I know I can't take that dog home, and I like animals in a way not having them as pet, just hoping them being safe, happy, strong and independent. One of my way to love animals is to be vegan. This is the least thing I can do for them and actually also for myself.
Everyone has their choices to become what they want to be, what people choose is nothing right or wrong. Of course we have our own judgement in mind, but I just don't think I really understand people's choice and judge them, telling them they are wrong. And you know everyone of us will always reap what we saw.



This place is so quiet. I know I am talking to anyone stopping by.
Hi, if you saw this, please know that I am sending positive energy to you even though I don't know who you are.
Feel free to left message to me even I don't know your name. Sometimes this feel safer and better to tell someone something if you need a window like this. I will share how I think and hoping I can make you smile and peace.

I like to draw, paint, and write calligraphy. If you like my art work, feel free to contact me. I will see what I can do~

Recently, I keep thinking one thing. I have many cousins, and we liked each other when we were kids. And for some reasons, our concept become different, and we become far away from each other, not even friends. I don't really know them and they don't really know me anymore. A cousin who don't like eat things in my home even they are really good fruits. Some cousins even don't reply my message when I messaged them. I don't know what's going on but feel a bit hurt. But it doesn't mean they are wrong, it just the way it goes. Connections are fading away and we are walking on different ways, that's all. So I am releasing this feelings, emotions. I created a feeling that I want their care and I want them still consider me as their friendly cousin. But wait, I don't really need those. The situation like this doesn't really affect my life, so I should just release the feeling. I don't need to grab those feelings and make myself bad and lost confident.
I was talking about this topic with my sister last night.

It is becoming more and more windy now~ And it's so dark when the light is off. The cloudy day is getting darker.

When I was in high school, my personality is totally different from now. I was really sensitive and don't like to contact with people, I feel more comfortable with distance. I feel like I was darker, colder and more protective. A I used to have bad temper.......however those emotions don't really show up in front of classmates or friends. I was selfish, hoping people can understand me, but I never really try to understand others. And I didn't even care if I had friends or not. My parents wouldn't let me hang out with any of them anyway. My life in high school was studying, painting, drawing, writing, and playing piano.

Yes I complained about this before, I lived in a narrow world, I barely go out, and I couldn't go out, or I would have to fight with parents. Since they thought young friends gathering is just meaningless. However, this period of time also provided me a space to look into my mind and heart. It is never easy though. I struggled a lot, and so dark, don't know who can help. I even wanted to kill myself. I was really unhappy. My parents always said they are democracy, but the truth is they are not. They think they are but the way the treat kids is no, not democracy at all. We just follow their order, meet their goals first and think that we will be able to reach our own dream when we grow up which waste lots of time.

My parents analyse many things to us, I thought they were always right when I was younger, but now I don't think that way anymore. But yes they did teach me something nice. And my heart was and is making efforts to find a awesome way for myself.

I couldn't really go out, so I read some books, I surf on internet, I learn things I love myself. I want to know people in different world. I just know something is wrong and I have to make a change. Parents can't take responsibility of my life and they don't really want to. Breaking through this is quite tough. I've always been struggling.

And then things are become a bit better. I start to work, and one day I will move away from my home. People here always like their children stay with them and live with them........ I have to break through this, too. This doesn't mean I don't love my parents. I just think that we all have our own life to live. And if their support is conditioned, then I rather not having their support. That's not parents love, that's selfish love and I am done with that.

I am still keep walking. So far I enjoy my life. It has painful part yes, but minus my feelings and judgement, experiences are just experiences, I've learnt. Everyone has their own journey, I am on my way~~  You know this is not the end. I am open to those unknown things and I am open to abundant and happiness.

I hope you guys have good feelings toward your life journey, too~
Thank you for reading this~
I am Cleary Garden :)